I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
