I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
