At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
