she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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