dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
