I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
