Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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