the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
