Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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