did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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