he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
