i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
