woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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