i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
