Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
