: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
