I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
