she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
