I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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