The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
