He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
how does that bad decision feel?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
