I puked a lego.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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