i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
