ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
