At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
