Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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