is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
