Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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