Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
His hands were made for my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
