Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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