I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
