could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Randomize
