Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
