Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
