im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
