On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
