I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
