Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
