I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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