So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
