Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
