So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
