someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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