Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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