youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
