does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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