with your own penis?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
