You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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