At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
