Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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