I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
