Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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