dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
