By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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