I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
