operation have a gay friend backfired
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
