My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
